The Case of the Pen Thief

Pen theft may not sound like a serious crime, but it’s a big problem at our office. It seems that everyone has a favourite pen and we can never keep up with demand.

Sharon and Carl write only in green. Leslie and Brigid prefer a good grip. And then there’s Andy. The snob of all pen snobs, Andy refuses to use anything other than the PaperMate Inkjoy. This is the Cadillac of pens — it comes in a variety of colours, with a varietypapinkjoy of grips and always writes smoothly. Naturally, everyone in the office wants to steal these pens. They want to steal the green ones or the grippy ones or whichever ones suit their mood of the day. For Andy, this is a problem.

“Ugh!” Andy grunts as he scans the supply closet. “Why is it always the Inkjoy?”

He grabs a handful of non-Inkjoy pens. “Sharon, these ones come in green, too! Why is it always the Inkjoy?”

Sharon shrugs as she walks by, “They were the first ones I saw.”

“And you,” Andy gestures toward Brigid as she walks by, an Inkjoy pen dangling from her clipboard. “Why did you have to take the Inkjoy?”

“I like the grip!” Brigid says.

Then, it’s just sad ol’ Andy, standing alone in front of the supply closet. It’s stocked full of pens, but he’s not satisfied. He wants an Inkjoy. He probably won’t get a thing done today without one.

Andy feels a hand on his shoulder and straightens up. It’s Martha.

“Andy,” Martha says, “you can have mine.” She holds her hand out to Andy, an Inkjoy gripped between her fingers.

“Won’t you miss it?” Andy asks with mock-concern. He’s already taking the pen out of Martha’s hands.

“Can you keep a secret?” Martha says, gesturing for Andy to follow her.

Martha leads Andy to her desk and, crouching down, she whispers, “I love Inkjoys, too.” She opens her desk drawer to reveal two full packs of Inkjoy pens, hidden perfectly under a stack of blank paper.

“So, you’re the one who’s been stealing all the Inkjoys!” Andy shouts.

Martha shushes him and takes a box out of the drawer. She offers it to Andy but as he reaches to grab it, she pulls back. “Don’t forget this when… I run out of Inkjoys,” she pleads.

Andy smiles, “Deal.” He takes the box and slyly conceals it under his sweater. On the walk back to his desk, Andy feels triumphant. He’s got the office’s most coveted possession. That is, until the next pen thief strikes.

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You Can Never Have Too Many Pens

I’m sitting in the boardroom at our monthly staff meeting, listening to Aditi go over our reports, when my pen suddenly runs dry.

I search frantically through my purse for a backup, trying to memorize the numbers Aditi rhymes off so I can be sure to jot them down for review.

Brigid, who is sitting in the chair across from me, slides a pen across the boardroom table and smiles warmly. I mouth the words “thank you,” and start scribbling away to catch up.

But I can’t help becoming distracted by the pen’s smooth, soft grip and archival quality. It glides across my notepad, leaving a smudge-free line of black ink behind.


Aditi’s voice trails off and everyone starts to gather up their things and head for the door. I follow closely behind Brigid, handing her pen back to her.

“Keep it,” Brigid says. “I just got a pack of 12 from the Office Plus e-flyer.”

“Thanks!” I respond. “I’m going to have to get some for myself.”

“It’s the Jimnie Gel Rollerball Pen,” Brigid tells me, pulling the flyer up on her tablet as we walk back to our offices. “You save when you buy a pack of 12.”

I glance over her shoulder as she flips through the pages, stopping her as she scrolls past images of notepads. “I’m running low on these too,” I tell her.

“I like the Recycled Perforated Pads myself,” Brigid says. “High quality legal rule on one side and blank on the other – and made with 100% recycled paper.”

“Sounds perfect!”

“I’ll email you the flyer,” she says over her shoulder as we reach my office door and she continues down the hallway.

I sit down at my desk and carefully place Brigid’s pen in my penholder. Minutes later, I hear the familiar ding coming from my laptop and Brigid’s name pops up in my inbox.

I waste no time finding the pens and pads and sending in my order. Who knew you could get so excited about note taking? I decide to purchase two boxes of 12 – just in case someone asks to “borrow” a pen at the next board meeting. It doesn’t hurt to have a backup. Plus, you can never have too many pens.